I have a painting of my daughter, Vanya, when she was 17 years old. I wanted to share something about teens in this site and I couldn’t think of anybody else to source such but from a friend and parenting expert.
I loved my daughter so much, yet I struggled a lot when she was at this stage, very often searching for somebody who can help me in dealing with teens.
By God’s grace, a lot of prayer, and continuing to express unconditional love, Vanya has grown to be a real wonderful, confident, and loving beautiful woman.
“And now Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in Thee.” Psalm 39:7
24″ x 36″ oil on canvas
Lyn Deutsch 2008
Original painting is available for sale.
Today, I am very privileged and more than grateful to feature an exclusive article “Raising Teens~ From a Teenager’s Perspective” written with great insight, wisdom and sensitivity by a professional on parenting – Denny Hagel.
I wished I had this connection at that time. You are blessed to be reading this and to have access to Deny Hagel’s articles and books which I consider sine qua non to parents and grandparents and for all of us who are dealing with growing children, and even to you – young boys and girls approaching this somehow exciting yet turbulent life stage.
“Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 60 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 23 countries.
Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives.
She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.
Denny has created the discussion group “Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum” on Face Book which now has over 600 members. She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of “The Missing Secret To Parenting”, “The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula”, “Mini-Me Syndrome” and two free e-booklets “Parenting Using the Law of Attraction” and “Becoming an Awakened Parent”.”
Raising Teens~ From a Teenager’s Perspective
by Denny Hagel
How often do you hear yourself saying “I just don’t understand!”? If you are like millions of other parents raising teenagers you are probably nodding in agreement and at the same time realizing you say and feel this way more often than you wish…
Let’s face it, if there was a fail-safe “how to book” on raising teens we would all sleep a whole lot better! Sadly there isn’t. However, as parents, there are things we can do to help our children weather the emotional transitioning storm of the teen years with as little turbulence as possible.
In previous posts I talked about stopping the cycle of destructive actions and reactions in order to restore a connection with your teen based on mutual respect, trust and cooperation. I have also pointed out that you are the most important person in your child’s life and as such are in a position to lead your teen off of the roller coaster ride that rules your relationship. In order to do that it is important to have an understanding of what is happening subconsciously inside your child’s mind…in other words what is behind the emotional outbursts, the irrational reactions, and the attitude that has the ability to cut straight through your heart.
Your children come into this world dependent upon you for their physical survival. In addition you are their source of information, stability, comfort, security and safety. Out of this dependence and love they have developed, they feel an enormous bond. As they travel through their growing up years, they run toward that bond for everything, whether negative or positive, you are the one they want and need.
Remember back when they took their first step…while their little legs were taking the first forward motion steps their eyes were focused on you. Or when they took off riding a two-wheeled bicycle for the first time…and sang out in such enthusiasm, “Watch me!” How about the first time they got a tiny cut or bruise and the only thing that would make it better was for you to kiss away the hurt? Whether it is to share a joyous triumph or a sad mishap, the bond they have with you is their lifeline.
Children are aware as they experience the developmental stages that they are learning. And they are always anxious to show you their accomplishments. It starts with holding their own bottle and never stops…they are dependent yet their goal is to become independent.
Little by little they learn from you, by what you teach them, directly and indirectly another piece of the puzzle that will one day be the picture of their complete and total independence. When they reach their teen years they are experiencing the final stage of becoming their own person, apart from you. At its best this is a confusing and often scary time for them. Nature is pulling them in a direction away from all they have known, all that has given them their security and safety.
What is critical for parents to remember is that this is not of their choosing, it is the design of the Universe, of Nature and they are participants whether they want to be or not. The teen years are a time of transitioning from childhood to becoming a young adult.
Teenagers are testing their wings…
much like a baby bird ready to leave the nest.
They feel like they are ready to fly on their own…but they aren’t sure.
They want to test their wings…but they are afraid.
They feel a great deal of determination and confidence…sometimes.
They want to fly alone but they know that if they don’t succeed, they could crash…so they want you nearby.
They are sure they know all they need to know…yet they feel a sense of fear of the unknown.
They feel invincible…yet they know they need you.
They don’t want to need you…but they do.
They instinctively feel their time has come to fly…as if a force greater than them is drawing them to release their dependence on you.
They want to fly.
The most important thing you can do for your child as they find their way to “who they are”, independent of you, is to understand that they are doing this for them and not to you. Regardless of their actions or attitude (and most often without awareness) what they need most from you is to know that no matter what, you are their source of unconditional love…
I have written The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens to provide you with the necessary skills and tools to create and enhance your relationship with your pre-teen and teen. For more information please visit the links below:
For canvas prints and greeting cards of Lyn Deutsch’ paintings please visit: